The amount of anxiety building up to going back to Uni has been - a lot. Finally managed to start Buspar after a lot of messing around with the GP, or rather the receptionists, to get the prescription done. Honestly they get worse and worse, they treat us like scum. Us being patients. They seem to forget the service is there for us, and isn't something we should be kept away from at all costs.

First I was patronised and told 'This prescription has been here for two weeks' like I was the idiot and they weren't looking at the wrong one.

Then 'Well prescription requests take two days' like it hadn't already been two days and that that rule is for repeat prescription requests made by patients not urgent requests from the Psychiatrist.

Then they tell me they will ring me back when it's done and they don't, they say they can't even tell me if the fax from the psychiatrist has been received because it's not on the computer (computer says no) then they say they will fax the prescription that day and don't. It goes on and on. Finally I ring the Chemist to see if the fax has arrived and the girl says she can't tell me because her colleague is on the toilet. WTF? Finally I try a second Chemist who issues the wrong medication. *face palm*

However, I think it is helping though it makes me a bit sleepy-ish. I have been taking beta blockers as well the past few days just for when I have actually had to be in Uni and they make my runs crap. I feel like I just can't get going. So the new regime will be buspar at night and beta blockers only on seminar days which will be once a week maximum. I will have to take that as my rest day from running or at least do a massively shorter run.

Generally I am leaning more towards being able to cope than not at the moment. I am excited about being a researcher and the people in my group seem nice and interesting.  There are the odd moments of being overwhlemed by misery and panic and self-hate and all those things but I am trying to hold on to the positives.

I got a really high mark for my Masters which has helped my confidence so I feel less like I don't deserve my place on the Doctorate.

I have been self medicating with: Powerade Zero