I am feeling very depressed today about my CPN leaving. I am only going to be able to see her once or twice more. I am scared that I will become very emotional in the last meeting and it will be horrible. I am scared without her support things will begin to backslide and I won't have anyone to help me. And that I will never be able to stop self injuring.

Maybe I should write her a card or something, idk.

It was much easier finishing therapy because by that time my psychologist had begun to piss me off but my CPN I just have a lot of respect for and feel grateful to.

Maybe it is just one of those tearful days but I completely broke down this morning talking to her about my SI and had to stop because I felt out of control.

Luckily I had to go meet someone to do some Uni stuff so being able to concentrate on that for a few hours helped. Jakey is out now which is a bit miserable so I might go to my folks for the company, take my flash drive and do some essay work. Can't concentrate here, my mind is just tipping over and over.

Ah enough, sitting here writing is just making me cry.

I have been self medicating with:

I don't know how people manage to blog and do.... anything else. I have had so much work to do towards the end of term I have been sitting up in the night with all the breath kicked out of me stressing. Yay for anxiety. Most of it is done now and I can spend a few hours today catching up on my shopping before it is back to tapping out essays.

Socially I have been doing much better this year. Talking to people and feeling more comfortable around them.

I am still really worried about what might happen re support now my CPN is leaving. She asked me if I still wanted to be referred back to one of the specialist services and I said I wasn't sure as I didn't want to be in the position where I was discharged from the CMHT because I had the referral in the pipeline and then the referral falling through as I has ever single time before and being left with nothing. She replied that that had answered her question so I am glad I had my see-though stuff specs on when thinking about that. I will find out more in a couple of days I guess.

I have been self medicating with: Energy Drinks